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A business owner tells me he does not wish to hear about his employees’ needs. How willing am I to hear more about this perspective and express empathy?

The fences around the family property separate the cattle in the pasture and keep Cocoa, the horse, in the field. As a child, I see dad give time and care to building and maintaining these fences.  

Strong fences require sturdy corner posts.  

Likewise, solid core values support clear boundaries, both personally and professionally.

What are your four corner post values? 

How often do you pay attention to your own needs? 
What does it mean to notice the needs of those around you? When it comes to my conflict resolution work, I envision needs as the umbrella, and connection, freedom, harmony, joy, meaning, and well-being as the six ribs. Each conflict really comes down to an unmet need in one of these six areas.
More often than not conflict relates to connection. Connection may range from love, affection and appreciation to respect, support and understanding.

As stores in the U.S. display red and pink hearts, flower bouquets, and boxes of chocolates, it seems…

While walking on a local lake (’tis the season for walking on water!), an ice fisherman approaches me…

As I enter my fifth decade, I reflect on the level of freedom, joy, health, peace, purpose, and…

I invite you to take a deep breath with me…breathe in….and breathe out… Sometimes it helps to pause….

Ever just feel you do not have anything left to give? How do you care for you? If…

“I can’t believe they would ask me.” How often do you hear it, say it, or think it?…

Ever feel disconnected from the people around you? Want to feel more confident in conversations? Communication matters in…

In many companies, Human Resources tends to be the catch-all for any issue that may arise. Disgruntled employees go to HR. …

Wonder if you belong? Ever feel like you do not belong? Maybe you recall the people, place, or…

When you feel slighted or “wronged,” what is your response? Do you ever stop talking, stop sharing information, not…

Those instructions seem as clear as mud. You find yourself regularly rechecking the numbers for monthly reporting. The…

When are you most grateful?  How do you show it? When you feel appreciated, it often sends a signal…

A couple weeks ago, I sang on stage at the Grand Ole Opry! Okay, so it may have…

Standing in my kitchen, I notice the dining room wall tremble. As the sound of the neighbor’s stereo…

Talking about any transition rarely happens until you face a serious situation. You think there is plenty of time to talk about it later, and then later shows up instantly.
What if you have the conversation about caring for aging parents before anyone faces a major health issue?

How free do you feel to be yourself? What happens when you avoid certain conversations?

Acknowledging your feelings, and noticing your need behind it, helps you get clarity about what is at issue. It also allows you an opportunity to offer yourself some compassion, since the person in front you very well may not.  

Knowing what is happening beneath the surface helps you align your actions with your values. Then you may create results by design rather than by default.

This week marks one year since I said “good-bye for now” to my buddy and faithful four-legged friend, Lonzo. Lonzo loved…

Celebrating some recent high school graduations, I see my friends’ daughters both achieve high academic levels. More importantly, they show…

Walking up to a friend’s home hit by a recent tornado, the place seems barely recognizable. The steps…

What happens when you stop being a couple and you still have children together? The short answer: You…

Before you engage in an important conversation, are you checking in with yourself? What do you need?  When…

After practicing law for 25 plus years, Joe speaks rather openly. When he thinks a client acts foolishly,…

Ever breathe relief when cancelling plans? Or feel grateful to reschedule a meeting? With cancellations and rescheduling, suddenly,…

Sounds of birds chirping and frogs croaking float through the woods. Breathing the fresh air rolling from the…

Ever find your conversation going in circles? Sometimes people get stuck.  It happens when colleagues argue over who…

“Oh, I love your hat, Amy!” rolls out of my mouth as a friend’s daughter greets me at…

“I master the moment, or the moment will master me.”~ Gandhi  Maroon lockers line the high school hallways….

What do you say when you feel someone disrespects your spouse?   In what some call, “the slap heard…

It is one thing to watch the news and see people fleeing their homes with buildings burning and…

Last week, I wrote about the distinctions between silence, violence and peace. As a child, I recall hearing…

No one goes from nothing to bombing someone.   It starts with a thought. Whether you are a…

“I’m not comfortable with conflict.”   “My (boss, spouse, teammate…) is not comfortable with conflict.”  Which resonates with you? …

An adaptation to the Serenity Prayer reads:  “Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the…

How much are you paying attention? I mean, really noticing what is happening in and around you?  In…

What do you see as possible?   Watching the Olympics, I notice top athletes doing what they love…

What does love mean to you? What feels loving to the people around you?  As we begin this…

What does it mean to ask for what you need? What does it take for you to ask someone else…

What is your dream? How much do you believe in it? In the closing of Dr. King’s famous, “I…

When a marriage or intimate relationship ends, does the relationship really end? During the mediation process, I sometimes…

From CRT to masks, and many issues in between, I hear people say, “we just can’t talk about…

As more employees leave their jobs, employers face increasing opportunities for an exit interview. These conversations provide a chance to really understand what…

Peace of mind? Relationships? Time? Money? Emotional energy? What happens when you do not speak your truth? Or…

What’s your gut response when someone asks you why? Feel a little frustrated, uncertain, or even a bit angry?…

What’s your go to when you feel angry or frustrated? Do you shut down and avoid the conversation?…

Tired from saying “yes?” Not sure why you do?  Helping someone on an office project, friend gathering, or another volunteer opportunity…

What does it mean to be thankful? How do you show appreciation for people in your life? Whether…

Ever feel unsure how to have “that” conversation? Mediation really involves simply having a conversation. The conversation happens…

Are you tired of having the SAME issues with the SAME employees?   Noticing two workers struggle with each…

What do you need? How comfortable are you asking for it? While not always easy, it remains very important in every type of relationship.

As a new student at Hamline University thirty years ago, October meant experiencing first-hand the Halloween Blizzard of 1991.  …

When storms arise at work, it may seem safer to hunker down and do nothing. Yet, unresolved misunderstandings and miscommunications often impact morale, productivity, relationships, and a company’s bottom line. What if you could change or influence the direction of workplace issues?

Ever felt irritated by someone, and not really sure why?  That happened to me just last week. Speaking with a…

While touring the Henry Ford Museum, I pause at Ford’s first gas engine. The plaque next to it…

Would it be so hard to just give a straight answer? Anyone else ever think that way? I certainly…

Ever feel someone simply does not care or value your relationship? What do you say?  People call me…

Ever feel annoyed when someone asks you to do something? Experiencing the “I just can’t handle if one…

Experiencing anxiety about something coming up tomorrow or next week? Carrying thoughts about what someone said ten minutes or ten…

How do you fill your compassion tank? Ever just feel you do not have anything left to give?…

As I step outside a courtroom years ago, a child says “you have beautiful eyes.” I thank her…

What does it feel like when someone interacts joyfully with you? What energy do you bring to your interactions?  I am pleased…

Have you ever felt unappreciated? Talking with coaching and training clients, I hear how leaders and management feel unappreciated….

What does strength look like to you? I find it means different things to different people at different times.   Most…

 What does “rocking the apple cart” mean to you? A woman recently told me she did not share her frustrations because it might “rock the apple cart.”…

What does community mean to you?  Where do you feel a sense of community?  Wondering about the community awaiting…

How comfortable are you asking for help? Are you clear in your requests or do you hint around? Recently…

Ever hear the same story over and over again? How do you show you are listening?  When talking with someone,…

Do you consider yourself independent? What does that mean to you? Are you comfortable being interdependent?  When people call me…

This past weekend brought a mixture of time for grieving the loss of my best four-legged buddy, Lonzo, and sharing time…

I said “good-bye for now” to my best buddy and faithful friend, Lonzo, on Tuesday, June 15, 2021. A 16-year-old, bischon-shiatsu, he lived a…

How do you respond in moments of disappointment or frustration? What results are you creating? Are you managing conflict or increasing it? …

What happens when you label someone? Do you stop caring about their needs?  As I sat in a coffee shop last week,…

Working with the director of a mid-sized business, I recognize the impact of Austin’s* thinking on the overall office operation. Certainly,…

Have you ever asked someone to do something, and they said they already did? When I practiced law, my secretary…

What do you think about most? Where do you place your attention?  In both mediation and coaching sessions,…

How much do you love what you do?  Which tasks do you delay or avoid?  It is not uncommon…

Ever worry a friend may get angry when you say, “no”? Do you get mad at yourself for saying, “yes,” when you…

As a child I loved to walk the woods of our family property. Not knowing the term “introvert”…

Have you ever felt really hurt by someone’s words? Or angry about their behavior?  When you feel angry…

What happens when you enter the “should” zone? How often do you find yourself there? Some days, I…

Have you ever heard a parent talk about their weekend parenting time as “my time?” This simple way…

Have you ever felt you and a co-parent fought about the same thing over and over again? Away from the practice…

I came around the corner to find someone loudly swearing at his child. After questioning whether there was a better way to handle it, he turned his…

What does a “normal” schedule mean to you? What control do you take over your calendar?   As more places and spaces begin to open, excitement…

What happens when sharing your truth might impact your connection with a colleague or organizational team member? How comfortable are…

What do you do when you know a decision will disappoint someone? My friend, Joe, went to the…

What does it mean to truly experience peace? Do you and the people around you feel peace at…

What do you do when you just do not feel love for someone close to you? We all…

During conflict resolution trainings and peace building classes, I talk about feelings. What do feelings have to do with…

What determines how you show up in any given moment? Is it other people, circumstances, or situations?  During January, my blogs focus on…

ow do you handle change? What helps you through transition? Would you like to create a peaceful transition?

Have you ever felt a little uncomfortable around an ex? What if you have children together? While it…

“I cannot wait to be done with that person” commonly escapes the mouth of a divorcing couple. Often times, divorce…

To remember my Minnesota friends, a friend gifted me an address book when I moved from Minnesota to Kentucky. Turning the…

What role does gift giving play in your celebrations?  As a child, I would search through the catalogs anticipating possible gifts. I did not…

What is your instinctive response when someone asks you to do something? Whether it is for a ride to…

Are you and your partner able to communicate clearly? What helps couples keep strong connection?  A wise friend…

Where do you speak your truth? Are other people comfortable sharing their truth with you?   A few weeks back a woman shared that she…

Truth be told, I believe people to be inherently wonderful. The human design contains a light of wonderfulness.

Do you ever just not know what to say? Caring about what words to use may be a sign of compassion and…

When you disagree with suggestions about how to fix something, how do you typically respond? Are you open to considering what the person is…

When do you most feel connected with someone? What happens in that moment?  Whether talking with a friend,…

What does it mean to exercise freedom of thought?  Am I really free to think as I choose?…

What does respect look like? How does it impact dialogue in the workplace?    If Chris, the company owner, issues a directive that many believe…

What happens when someone says you are wrong or bad? Does it bring a greater sense of connection or…

What do you do when someone “crosses the line”? Do you match the behavior, name it, or walk away?…

Are you comfortable speaking your truth? Under what circumstances and with whom?  It sometimes feels uncomfortable to share…

“What we can learn from the justices, though — beyond how to be a friend — is how to welcome debate and differences. Not for a moment did one think the other should be condemned or ostracized. More than that, they believed that what they were doing — arriving at their own opinions thoughtfully and advancing them vigorously — was essential to the national good.”

Have you ever appreciated someone else’s different skills? To function as a civilized society, we need people to have and share their different gifts and…

In recent weeks and coming days, school across the United States reopen unlike any other school year. Administrators…

Most mediations involve two people who bring their perspectives. Based on where each person stands, their story is the truth. However, in any situation, particularly when emotions are high, it may be a challenge for the people involved to see the full picture.

When it comes to talks between parents who no longer live together, words impact more than the adults….

As a divorce mediator, I regularly meet couples who disagree about selling the house, dividing the retirement accounts,…

Ever experience that someone “really gets me” or “understands where I am coming from” feeling? That feeling may be a…

What do you do when you do not like someone’s answer? Or the answer seems unclear? Remembering these five…

As a friend shared about another’s recent error in judgment, I found myself reacting. As she told how the person involved should…

Very few vehicles pull into my driveway these days, so when a man stepped out of large truck…

How often do your pay attention to your own needs? Are you listening for other people’s needs? As an…

Have you ever consumed yourself with a work project when you felt sad? Or turned to something sweet or…

A college friend would say that I was my worst me while watching Packer football. Living in Minnesota,…

Last week, my brother and I enjoyed our traditional bike trip to Tip Top Dairy in Osakis, Minnesota. As the sun rays increased the thermometer to 93,…

Are you living a life you think you should, or a life you love? What does living your dream life…

If you enjoy the gift of sight, do you notice skin color? What does it mean to notice…

Are you comfortable talking about pain? Why is that? Is it helplessness, insensitivity, or something else? Humans tend to completely avoid…

Ever consider who or what shapes your beliefs? Curious about anyone else’s? People hold strong opinions on a wide…

What kinds of tools do you have to make life easier? Tools help me with mixing, blending, cooking,…

Ever receive a call or text from someone you have just been thinking about? Or enjoy a smile…

Do have ever experience a moment, and give it a whole lot more meaning than it calls for?…

As a little girl, I liked to run with the boys, namely my three older brothers. I liked…

Have you ever thought, “she does not know what she is talking about” or “he could not be…

I once attended a funeral where the priest read an obituary that did not acknowledge two of the…

Who likes to feel happy? Me! Anyone like to feel sad? What fun is that? Avoiding sadness seems…

Know anyone who tends to be late? Do you start thinking, “how rude and disrespectful,” wonder “what’s going…

Where are you in this experience? While I have not been to my office for eleven days, I…

Growing up in rural Wisconsin, I knew and trusted that neighbors looked out for each other. We considered…

As we face an unprecedented situation with coronavirus (COVID-19), I hear “should” frequently. I have never really be…

Whether it is children quarreling about who gets to play with a toy, or adults arguing over who…

With fifty-five parts scattered about, a screwdriver in hand, and a set of directions, I recently sought to…

Has anyone ever misunderstood something you said? Have you ever mistaken someone else’s intentions? Why or how does…

My ideal approach to mediation combines curiosity and compassion by understanding a person’s thoughts about the situation, where…

You don’t have to take that, or anything from anybody. But what does “not taking that” look like?…

When framing a question to a colleague recently, I characterized something as a “story.” He responded that it…

Whether a marriage, friendship, or working relationship, I hear time and again from people who stop feeling connected…

A young woman’s husband promised to buy her a brand new bedroom suite. To her, the furniture symbolized…

How often do you respond with “I’m fine” or “good” while your mind and body says otherwise? Even…

How do you respond when someone calls to do a survey? Often times, I tell the caller it…

Have you seen, “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood?” The consummate gentle grace-filled man, Mr. Rogers (Tom Hanks),…

Do you have a person who speaks truth to you? Is that person also someone you trust? Does…

Have you ever encountered someone who just did not seem to be the right fit for the job?…

How do you approach or confront conflict? Humans sometimes avoid acknowledging that any disagreement or dispute exists out…

Do you ever see something differently than someone else? Are you in a situation where you disagree with…

Have you ever wondered how someone could behave so unreasonably? What is the person really seeking? If you…

During domestic violence awareness month, it is common to talk about the myriad of reasons victims stay in…

If your business or organization suddenly finds itself without a key team member, who will take responsibility? Many…

Have you ever complained about a person, group, or business? Or heard through the grapevine that another spoke…

What stops us from asking for help?  For me, it may be a combination of pride, stubbornness, and…

In my grandma’s kitchen hung a picture of a grazing cow with the words:                Be Careful Of The…

Do you ever say “yes” to something and regret it five minutes, five days, or even five years…

Working the same land as your grandparents and great-grandparents brings both a tremendous sense of pride and responsibility….

Have you ever felt frustrated when talking with a co-worker or supervisor?  You are definitely not alone. You…

Years ago, a roommate and I returned to our apartment to find our upstairs neighbor (who we had…

What do you do when a loved one shows signs of being unable to safely drive? Or adequately…

What do you need? When most people state their needs, they really list strategies for meeting them. Whether…

The existence of religious institutions may bring peace, grace and healing to many. Since human beings lead, work,…

Whether a student, teacher, parent, faculty or staff member, administrator, school board member, volunteer, or taxpayer, schools impact…

As so often happens, a couple of friends or family members share some common interest or idea and…

Deciding where an aging adult will live out their final years, months, or days can feel overwhelming. Too…

Does ending a marriage really end a relationship? Or does it change the nature of the relationship? Instead…

Part of being human means experiencing conflict. It generally does not feel good, which leads to a variety…