Changing the relationship

Does ending a marriage really end a relationship? Or does it change the nature of the relationship? Instead of being a spouse, the person becomes an ex-spouse. The person may also be a co-parent, co-member of an organization or co-owner of a business. Unmarrying (divorce or dissolution of marriage) provides a unique opportunity to show children and others in your circle how to communicate with people with whom you may disagree. It can be handled with consideration and respect, or anger and disrespect. Unmarrying may also impact families, friends, co-workers, faith or organizational community members, neighbors, and many others. You can fill your life and the lives of all the folks in your inner and outer circles with tension and dread, or peace and comfort. Does this mean that you cannot process the myriad of emotions you feel? Of course, feelings and emotions need to be processed to heal. It’s also important to pay attention to whom your healing process affects. 

Whether or not a couple stays together, the nature of most relationships change and evolve over time. Each member of a couple may fluctuate from couple-focused, child-focused, career-focused, hobby-focused, faith-focused to a myriad of other focuses depending on what demands time and attention and how each person chooses to spend that time. In some circumstances the changes in focus lead to divorce or separation. It rarely completely ends the relationship. It does change the nature of the relationship. Things will never be exactly the same again. No longer sharing living space means adjustments. These may be negative experiences or positive ones. All those school conferences, extracurricular activities, holidays, parenting time exchanges, weddings, funerals, graduations, and birthday celebrations can be healthy, happy experiences for everyone involved, or another pain-filled event. 

What sounds better to you? 

Family/Divorce mediation provides the space for constructive conversations in divorce, child custody, and parenting time to clarify needs, consider options, and create ideas for resolution in a private, confidential setting. 

A civil and family mediator, peace builder, and educator, Sherry Ann Bruckner lives in Alexandria, Minnesota. Visit brucknermediation.com/services to learn more or call Sherry at (320) 808-3212 for help to transform conflict and create peace.

As always, be gentle with you. Be gentle with all. Be the peace.