What do you think about most? Where do you place your attention?
In both mediation and coaching sessions, my clients often want to talk about what they do not want. Who wants a colleague brushing them off? A partner not giving attention? Or a team full of “I’s?”
Certainly, it helps to acknowledge what might not be working in life. Being aware of what we do not want helps us clarify what we do wish to create.
Yet, sometimes people get stuck in thinking about what they do not want. When that happens, people tend to act in a way that creates more of the same.
The colleague who feels brushed off stops talking and the two grow even more distant. The partner who does not receive the desired attention stops giving attention leading to greater disconnection. The team member who sees the team losing its cohesiveness starts behaving independently as well, creating one more “I.”
What about you? How often do you let someone else’s behavior determine how you show up?
So often people say they just want to create a boundary, which to them means showing up harshly and aggressively, or shutting down and withdrawing.
What if you can set clear parameters and still show up with respect and consideration?
What if you can walk away from the interaction knowing you showed up as the best version of you?
I do not know who said the following wise words:
“What we resist persists.”
“What we focus on grows.”
What are you growing with your focus?
To learn more about approaching challenging conversations, check out Bruckner Mediation’s training options.