Be Right, or Be in Right Relationship?

What happens when someone says you are wrong or bad? Does it bring a greater sense of connection or disconnection to the relationship? 

Calling a person wrong or bad typically shuts down dialogue and strains relationships. Being in right relationship means opening the conversation to respectfully share and understand each person’s experience.

How might you approach a conversation when you feel strongly?

1) Figure out what you are feeling. Thoughts of rightness and wrongfully are usually accompanied by feelings of anger, frustration, or hurt. Be compassionate with yourself to determine what you are feeling and allow yourself time to process that feeling. 

2) Notice what you need. Feelings tell us whether our needs are met or unmet. Think about your underlying need. Be curious with yourself about what you really need.  

3) Consider ways to meet the need. Usually, many, many ways exist to meet a need. Think of at least three ways to meet the underlying need. Be clear with yourself about which help you now and for the long-term.  

Now, you are ready to communicate with clarity and compassion. Instead of calling someone a name or saying they are bad, simply speak in the way the late mediator Marshall Rosenberg taught… 

  1. I feel…. 
  2. I need… 
  3. Will you please…?

The person may respond “no” to your request, and you will then determine how to best meet your underlying need and whether to continue with the conversation.  

Using non-violent communication (NVC) allows you to stay in right relationship with yourself and the other person. Being stuck on figuring out who is right and wrong generally leads to disconnection. 

Would you rather be right, or in right relationship? 

To learn more about NVC and other important conflict resolution and communication skills, sign up for an on-line class or send a message to arrange conflict resolution skills training to meet the needs of your business, group, or organization.  

Sherry Ann Bruckner

Sherry Ann Bruckner

Most widely known as Lonzo's human, mediator, speaker, and author Sherry Ann Bruckner works with leaders and organizations to create peace, resolve conflict, and transform visions into results.

From her twenty-plus years' experience practicing civil and family law, and her own personal experiences with silence and violence, Sherry Ann understands how much inner peace impacts outer peace. A graduate of Hamline University's College of Liberal Arts and William Mitchell College of Law, she also studied conflict resolution at Rothberg International School in Jerusalem. Sherry serves as a neutral on matters ranging from bias and employment discrimination to marriage dissolution and caring for aging parents. A speaker and trainer on the global stage, Sherry gives you and your audience practical skills and the confidence to use embrace your personal power to create peace. Through helping thousands of people navigate their way through conflict, and finding her own way to inner peace, she shares the transformational power of clarity, compassion, curiosity, and cribbage.

Visit to learn more or give her a call at (320) 808-3212.
Sherry Ann Bruckner

Be gentle with you. Be gentle with all. Be the peace.