Curiosity Changes Conflict

Have you ever thought, “she does not know what she is talking about” or “he could not be more irrational?”  

When the focus goes to who is right and who is wrong, real needs tend to be overlooked. What if two people need the same thing? The very basic need may be safety, security, stability, or something else. What if folks disagree about how to meet the need? What gives me a sense of security may be very different than what gives you a sense of security. Does that make one of us right and one of us wrong? What if a resolution exists that allows us to both meet our basic needs?  

In any moment, folks may choose to argue about rightness and wrongness, or choose curiosity. Curiosity asks a question with the intent to learn. Simply start with “I wonder…”  I wonder what I really need. I wonder what this other person needs. How could we meet both needs?  

Staying in rightness and wrongness rarely feels good, typically separates people, and often exacerbates the conflict. Consider showing up with curiosity. Curiosity may lead to conflict resolution.  

Sherry Bruckner

Sherry Bruckner

A civil and family mediator, transformational coach, speaker, and trainer, Sherry Ann Bruckner lives in Alexandria, Minnesota. Visit to learn more or call Sherry at (320) 808-3212 for help transforming conflict and creating peace in your home, organization, or community.
Sherry Ann Bruckner

As always, be gentle with you. Be gentle with all. Be the peace.