As a little girl, I liked to run with the boys, namely my three older brothers. I liked it when they called me strong for not crying. It usually involved scrapes and bruising from some incident in the woods on our homeplace. Did that mean it did not hurt? No, I just hid the hurt.
In my practice, I meet many people who hide the hurt and pain in their relationships. Rarely does a person say to a spouse or co-parent, “I hurt.” Folks usually say, “you never,” “you are always,” “you did not…” or “you need to…” instead of “I feel afraid,” “I feel insecure,” or “I feel frustrated.” It does not always feel comfortable to share honest feelings. Having authentic conversations takes courage and confidence. When done so with compassion for one’s self as well as the other person, it opens the lines of communication to address issues and helps people respectfully move forward, whether together or separately.
Are you hiding your hurt? Hiding it may seem like a safe fix. However, it may be helpful to consider the relationship future. Is the long-term goal connection or disconnection? Refusal to acknowledge the truth may lead to further issues later. Sharing feelings honestly usually brings people one step closer to conflict resolution.
