Choosing Who to Be

What determines how you show up in any given moment? Is it other people, circumstances, or situations? 

During January, my blogs focus on Mastering the Moment. It starts with realizing that we have the personal power to determine the meaning of each moment.  

Another piece of mastering the moment involves mastering who I am in the moment. I decide whether I am going to show up with respect, disrespect, compassion, inconsideration, confidence, or insecurity.  

Have you ever chosen your behavior based upon how someone treats you? It shows up something like this:   

“If ______ (insert name of person) is nice to me, then I’m going to be nice too.”  “If ______ (insert name of person) is going to be rude, then I’m going to be rude too.” 

Reflecting on that, I do not want to be rude to anyone. Being rude simply does not feel good. 

It does not mean that I will stay in a space where someone is causing me physical or emotional harm. I can be clear about my needs for respect and consideration, while showing compassion and understanding that the other person has those needs as well.  

Does it mean I always show up nice? No, I am getting better at it though.

If someone shows up with disrespect, compassion, or insecurity, it often shows they have unmet needs. I generally do not have a responsibility to meet the person’s needs yet depending on my relationship with the person may support them in finding ways to meet their needs.  

In all times and places, I choose how I show up. Does this mean everyone else will like or show me respect and consideration? No, each person may decide their own behavior.

Peace coaching or conflict coaching helps people decide in advance who they want to be in a moment, often while approaching a challenging conversation at home, work, or in the community. Keeping the focus on the result you want create, helps engage with clarity, compassion, and curiosity.

Who will you be today? 

A civil and family mediator, peace builder, and educator, Sherry Ann Bruckner lives in Alexandria, Minnesota. Visit brucknermediation.com/services to learn more or call Sherry at (320) 808-3212 for help to transform conflict and create peace.

As always, be gentle with you. Be gentle with all. Be the peace.